Author: James Qwilleran

Yodeling. What is it? That is a question I have been pondering deeply since Tuesday, when my moustache began to tingle inexplicably during breakfast. Some journalists would ignore such a sensation. I am not some journalists. I am Qwilleran, and when my moustache communicates, I listen. Yodeling, for those of you in Moose County who…

Philately. What is it? Most people don’t know. I myself have known what it is for some time, having once investigated a stamp-related murder in Pickax — the third that year, if memory serves, which it always does. Stamp collecting, for the uninitiated, involves collecting stamps. Why do people collect them? That is a question…

Rutabagas. What are they? That is the question I found myself pondering this morning over a cup of coffee at the Old Stone Mill, where the waitress brought me my usual order without charging me, as is customary and entirely appropriate given my contributions to this community. Rutabagas are vegetables. They grow in the ground.…

Spectacles. What are they? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve an answer. Spectacles are, of course, things you wear on your face. They help you see. Most people know this already, but I feel it is worth stating for the record. I was…

Gravel. What is it? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve an answer. Gravel, for those who do not know, is small rocks. It is found on the ground. Sometimes it is found on driveways. My driveway, for instance, has gravel on it, and…

Static. What is it? That is a question this reporter has been pondering all week, mostly from the comfort of his leather recliner in the apple barn, where Koko has been staring at the television set with an intensity that can only be described as philosophical. The screen was full of static. Koko watched it…

Gutters. What are they? Most people never think about gutters, and yet there they are, hanging on the sides of houses, doing whatever it is gutters do. Collecting water, presumably. Directing it somewhere. One has to wonder: does anyone truly appreciate the gutter? My moustache tingled this morning as I gazed out the window of…

Balloons. What are they? Most people have seen a balloon at one time or another. They are round, usually. Sometimes they are long. They come in colors. Red. Blue. Yellow. Other colors, too. One supposes they have their uses, though I confess my moustache gave a skeptical twitch when the Pickax Chamber of Commerce announced…

Gravel. What is it? Most people don’t think about gravel, but I, Jim Qwilleran, have decided to think about it on your behalf. You’re welcome. Gravel is small rocks. It sits on the ground. Sometimes it sits on driveways. Why does it sit there? Nobody knows. I was contemplating this very question yesterday evening when…

Whistling. What is it? Most people have done it at some point. Some people do it well. Others do not. I myself have been known to whistle on occasion, though I won’t say when, as that is private information and frankly none of Moose County’s business. The point is, whistling is a thing that exists,…