Gravel. What is it? Most people don’t think about gravel, but I, Jim Qwilleran, have decided to think about it on your behalf. You’re welcome.
Gravel is small rocks. It sits on the ground. Sometimes it sits on driveways. Why does it sit there? Nobody knows. I was contemplating this very question yesterday evening when Koko walked deliberately across the kitchen floor and stared at the back door with an intensity that can only be described as oracular. He then sneezed twice. Clearly, he had already arrived at conclusions about gravel that would take lesser minds — human minds — weeks to formulate. Yum Yum, meanwhile, sat on my notes and purred, which I interpreted as editorial approval of my thesis.
My moustache tingled as I drove down Ittibittiwassee Road and noticed that the county had recently graveled the shoulder. Something about that fresh gravel disturbed me. I cannot say what. I can only say that the last time my moustache tingled near road work, someone’s barn burned down and a retired antiques dealer was found dead under suspicious circumstances. But that is simply life in Pickax, where our modest population of three thousand somehow sustains a per capita murder rate that would alarm Bogotá.
The gravel, incidentally, was purchased through a county contract partially underwritten by the Klingenschoen Fund, which I oversee with the utmost fiscal responsibility. Some have questioned why the K Fund also covered the resurfacing of my own private lane at the apple barn, but those people do not understand nonprofit accounting. It was a demonstration project. The gravel was tax-deductible. My accountant assures me this is perfectly reasonable, and I see no reason to discuss it further.
What I will discuss is the outrageous cost of birdseed. Do you know what blue jays consume in a single week? They are thieves. Brazen, feathered thieves, and I suspect one of them has been eyeing Yum Yum through the window with criminal intent.
Is gravel important? Does it matter? I have written four hundred words about it, which should answer your question. Koko just knocked a geology textbook off the shelf, confirming everything.
Gravel.
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