Author: James Qwilleran

Thimbles. What are they? Most people have seen a thimble at one time or another. They are small. They go on your finger. One might ask: why? That is a good question. A thimble protects the finger from a needle. Needles are sharp. This is something most residents of Moose County already know, but I…

Awnings. What are they? One might say they are fabric coverings that project from a building. One might say that, and one would be correct. I have said it, and you are welcome. I was sitting on the porch of my converted apple barn last Tuesday, enjoying a glass of Squunk water that I did…

Twine. What is it? That is the question I have been pondering this week from my comfortable chair in the apple barn, where I was not sleeping but thinking deeply about journalism. Twine is string, but thicker. Or is it rope, but thinner? Who can say. I certainly won’t, because the answer is obvious to…

Handwriting. What is it? Most people would say it is the act of putting pen to paper. They would be correct. I know this because my moustache told me so — a familiar prickling sensation confirmed the obvious while I sat in my apartment in the converted apple barn, eating a cheese sandwich I did…

Mailboxes. What are they? One sees them everywhere in Moose County, standing at the ends of driveways like silent sentinels of correspondence. They hold mail. That is their purpose. But do we ever stop to think about them? Do we ever truly appreciate the humble mailbox? Probably not. I myself have given them very little…

Shingles. What are they? Most people in Moose County have seen shingles. They are on roofs. Roofs have them. Without shingles, a roof would just be wood, and wood gets wet. Do we want wet wood? I think not. I was reflecting on this very subject yesterday evening when Koko leaped to the top of…

Clocks. What are they? Most people have one. Some people have two. I myself have several, though I won’t say how many, as that would invite the kind of criminal element that has made Pickax, despite its modest population of three thousand, the per-capita murder capital of the upper Midwest. But I digress. A clock…

Birdseed. What is it? That is the question I found myself pondering this morning while seated in my favorite chair in the apple barn, stroking my moustache, which had begun to tingle in a way that suggested something important was about to occur. Koko was staring at the window. Yum Yum was staring at Koko.…

Mayonnaise. What is it? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve an answer. Mayonnaise is a condiment. It is white. Sometimes it is off-white. It comes in jars. Why does it come in jars? No one knows. I asked Koko, and he stared at…

Birdseed. What is it? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve to benefit from my considerable reflection on the matter. Birdseed is small. It comes in bags. Birds eat it. These are facts. My moustache began tingling the other morning when I noticed the…