Author: James Qwilleran

Mustard. What is it? That is the question I have been pondering all week from my comfortable chair in the converted apple barn, where I live alone with two extraordinarily gifted Siamese cats and a moustache that knows things. Koko, as it happens, knocked a jar of mustard off the kitchen counter on Tuesday. He…

Rutabagas. What are they? Most people have seen one at some point. They are a root vegetable. They grow in the ground. The ground is where most vegetables grow, if you think about it. Have you ever really thought about it? I myself was contemplating rutabagas yesterday evening when Koko knocked a seed catalog off…

Whistling. What is it? Most people have done it at some point, probably. It involves the lips. Air comes out. A sound is produced. Why do people whistle? That is a question worth asking, though I won’t be answering it today, as my time is valuable and the citizens of Moose County are fortunate I…

Gaskets. What are they? Most people don’t think about gaskets. I certainly don’t. But my moustache was tingling this morning—a sensation I have learned, over decades of award-winning journalism, never to ignore—and so I felt compelled to investigate. A gasket is a seal. It goes between two things. It keeps fluids from leaking. Why don’t…

Galoshes. What are they? They are rubber boots worn over one’s shoes. Most people know this. But do the good citizens of Moose County truly appreciate galoshes? One doubts it. One doubts it very much. I was reflecting on this topic yesterday evening while seated in my favorite leather chair in the converted apple barn…

Hinges. What are they? Most people never think about hinges, and perhaps that is because most people lack the intellectual curiosity that has made this column the cornerstone of journalism in Moose County. I, however, have been thinking about hinges all week. A hinge is a device that attaches a door to a frame. Without…

Galoshes. What are they? Most people in Moose County probably own a pair, and yet how often do we stop to truly consider them? Not often enough, I’d wager. They go on your feet. They keep water out. These are facts. I was reflecting on this very subject yesterday morning when Koko knocked a single…

Awnings. What are they? Most people have seen them. They hang over windows. They hang over doors. Sometimes they hang over patios. Why do they do this? Nobody knows for sure, but this columnist has a few thoughts on the matter, and Moose County is fortunate to receive them. An awning, for those unfamiliar, provides…

Awnings. What are they? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I suspect the good people of Moose County have been pondering it too. An awning is, essentially, a piece of fabric that hangs over a window. Why does it hang there? To block the sun, presumably. But does the sun truly…

Gravel. What is it? Most people drive over it without a second thought. But I, Qwilleran, am not most people. My moustache began tingling the moment I stepped onto the freshly graveled driveway of the apple barn, and when my moustache tingles, I pay attention. The citizens of Moose County would do well to follow…