Ventriloquism. What is it?
That is a question many residents of Moose County have been asking lately, and frankly, I am surprised more people do not ask it more often. Ventriloquism is the art of throwing one’s voice. It is performed by ventriloquists. They use dummies. The dummies sit on their laps. Is this entertaining? Some would say yes.
I was reminded of this ancient art form last Tuesday when Koko, the remarkable Siamese who shares my barn-converted-to-an-apple-barn residence, sat on the kitchen counter and produced a sound that appeared to emanate from the vicinity of the refrigerator. Yum Yum looked toward the refrigerator. I looked toward the refrigerator. There was no one near the refrigerator. My moustache tingled violently. Koko, it seemed, had taught himself ventriloquism — a feat that would astonish any so-called expert in the field, though it hardly surprised me. He has, after all, previously identified three murderers, predicted a warehouse fire, and located a missing will inside a hollowed-out copy of *Dostoyevsky’s* collected works.
Speaking of throwing one’s voice, Pickax recently experienced its fourteenth suspicious death this calendar year — a ventriloquist visiting from Down Below was found in unusual circumstances behind the Hotel Booze. Police Chief Brodie asked if I had any theories, which I found presumptuous. I told him I had been home all evening, feeding the cats an expensive brand of crab meat that I purchased with personal funds and absolutely did not expense to the Klingenschoen Fund, despite the fact that Koko’s dietary needs are, arguably, a community resource. One could make that case. My accountant has made that case.
Why would anyone learn ventriloquism? What purpose does it serve? These are questions worth considering. I considered them briefly and then stopped because a squirrel was on my birdfeeder again, stealing sunflower seeds that cost $4.79 per bag. I have written to the county about this. They have not responded. Meanwhile, Koko stared at the squirrel and said “ow” in a voice that seemed to come from behind me.
My moustache has not stopped tingling since.
Ventriloquism.
Leave a Reply