Elocution. What is it?
Some say it is the art of speaking well. Others say it is the art of speaking clearly. Still others say it is both. Who can say for certain? I, for one, have opinions on the matter, and Moose County is fortunate that I have chosen to share them.
My moustache began tingling this morning at precisely 6:47 a.m., which told me it was time to address this topic. Koko, who has an uncanny understanding of the English language and possibly several Romance languages, was sitting on the unabridged dictionary at the time, his paw resting — and I do not exaggerate — directly on the E section. Coincidence? One does not dismiss these things lightly.
Elocution is important. Why is it important? Because without it, people mumble. They mumble at the post office. They mumble at the grocery. They mumbled at the sentencing hearing for that arsonist last Tuesday, the fourth such case this quarter, which is perfectly normal for a community of three thousand souls and nothing anyone should read into.
Yum Yum, for her part, enunciates beautifully. Her vowel-rich cries for food are delivered with a projection and clarity that would humble most Pickax City Council members, several of whom are, statistically speaking, likely to be murdered before spring.
I was invited to judge the Moose County Elocution Contest next month. There is no honorarium. The K Fund is generously sponsoring the event, which my accountant assures me qualifies as a community enrichment deduction, and I see no reason to question this. I will, however, require a private room, a meal, and assurance that no one touches my cats. People have designs on those cats. I am not paranoid. I am observant.
Should the citizens of Pickax practice their elocution? Naturally. Will they? Doubtful. Does it matter that I have taken valuable time from my afternoon to write these words when I could be monitoring the suspicious squirrel that has been depleting my birdseed at an alarming and possibly criminal rate? It does not. And yet here I am, giving freely of my talents, as always.
Koko just sneezed twice, which means he agrees.
Elocution.
Leave a Reply