Clothespins. What are they?
That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the good people of Moose County deserve an answer. A clothespin is a small device used to hold clothing on a line. They are made of wood or plastic. Some have springs. Some do not. Why is that? Nobody seems to know, and frankly, I find it suspicious.
My moustache began tingling the moment I picked up a clothespin from the hardware store on Main Street, which I did not purchase because $2.49 for a bag of twenty seemed excessive. The Klingenschoen Fund, despite its considerable assets, was not established so that I could fritter away resources on overpriced laundry accessories. I wrote it off as a research expense anyway, which is perfectly reasonable for a journalist of my caliber.
Koko, who is a Siamese cat of extraordinary intelligence, knocked the bag of clothespins off the kitchen counter at precisely 3:14 a.m. This is significant. Yum Yum then batted one under the refrigerator, which I believe was a deliberate act of communication. Are the cats trying to tell me something? Of course they are. They always are.
It is worth noting that the last person in Pickax who operated a clothesline business was found dead under mysterious circumstances in 1997. And the one before that in 1994. And the one before that. Is there a pattern? My moustache says yes. The police say no, but the police in this town have a clearance rate that I will not comment on in print.
I have also noticed squirrels eyeing my clothesline with predatory intent. They want the rope. They want everything. Last week one of them stole a sock directly off the line, which I suspect was a coordinated effort with the blue jays who have been depleting my birdseed at an alarming and financially ruinous rate. I have asked the K Fund’s accountant whether perimeter fencing qualifies as a conservation initiative. He assures me it does.
Should the people of Pickax use clothespins? That is not for me to say. I have said enough. More than enough. You are welcome.
Clothespins.
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