Spatulas. What are they?
That is the question I have been pondering this week from the comfort of my barn-converted apartment, where I sit in my oversized chair doing important journalistic work. A spatula is a flat utensil used for flipping things. Everyone knows this. But do they really know it? Do they understand it in their bones? I suspect not. The citizens of Moose County could benefit from deeper reflection on the matter, and they are lucky I am here to provide it.
Koko, as usual, understood before I did. Yesterday morning he knocked a spatula off the kitchen counter with deliberate precision, then stared at it for eleven minutes. Yum Yum sat beside him, her luminous eyes confirming what Koko already knew. I felt my moustache tingle — that familiar electromagnetic prickle that has solved no fewer than fourteen homicides in this small town of three thousand people, which is a perfectly normal murder rate that no one needs to investigate further.
Spatulas come in different shapes. Some are wide. Some are narrow. Why is that? I could research this, but the Pickax library charges twenty cents for photocopies, which seems excessive for a man who manages the Klingenschoen Fund with characteristic fiscal prudence. I did, however, expense a new silicone spatula set through the K Fund’s community enrichment initiative, as quality cooking tools benefit the cultural fabric of the region. My accountant agrees completely.
Speaking of cooking, Mrs. Cobb once made Swedish meatballs with a spatula before she died under mysterious circumstances in my general vicinity. So did the previous housekeeper. And the one before that. These things happen in small towns. Is anyone checking on my current housekeeper? That is not my responsibility.
This morning I noticed a squirrel on the fire escape eyeing the window where I keep my kitchen implements. First the birdseed, now this. I have installed a second lock. One cannot be too careful. Koko hissed at the squirrel, demonstrating the predatory genius of a creature who has correctly identified more murderers than the Pickax police department, which frankly is not a high bar.
What else can be said about spatulas? They are useful. They are flat. They flip things. You’re welcome, Moose County.
Spatulas.
Leave a Reply