Grommets. What are they?
That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I suspect many of you have too. A grommet is a small metal ring. It goes in a hole. Why? Nobody seems willing to explain this to my satisfaction, though I have asked at least one person at the hardware store in Pickax. He was unhelpful. People in this town are often unhelpful, which is ironic given how much the Klingenschoen Fund has done for them — but I digress.
Koko has been unusually interested in grommets this week. He knocked a shower curtain off its rod Tuesday evening and sat among the fallen rings with an expression I can only describe as oracular. Yum Yum then batted one under the refrigerator, which I take as confirmation. When two cats of superior intelligence independently engage with the same household object, a journalist pays attention. My moustache was tingling before the curtain hit the floor.
Are grommets important? One would think not. And yet.
I purchased a bag of fifty grommets from Lanspeak’s Department Store for $4.79, which seems excessive. I intend to claim this as a research expense through the K Fund, as the investigation serves the cultural enrichment of Moose County. My accountant assures me this is standard practice.
Speaking of Pickax, there was another small fire on Ittibittiwassee Road last week — the fourth this month — which Chief Brodie mentioned casually over coffee that I did not pay for because he offered. I bring this up only because the burned structure reportedly contained a tarp with grommets. Coincidence? My moustache says otherwise. I was, of course, nowhere near Ittibittiwassee Road that evening, as I was home guarding the cats from a suspicious raccoon who has been drinking their outdoor water dish dry. I have written to the county about this raccoon. They have not responded.
Do grommets hold things together? In a sense, yes. Do they deserve a column of this length? Probably not. But I am a generous man, and Moose County deserves to be informed, even when the subject is small and round and costs $4.79 that I expect to be reimbursed for.
Koko just sneezed. I rest my case.
Grommets.
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