Awnings. What are they? Most people in Moose County have seen one at some point in their lives, hanging there, doing whatever it is awnings do. Providing shade, one supposes. Blocking rain, perhaps. These are observations I make freely, as a service to my readers, though my moustache has been tingling about awnings for weeks now, suggesting there is more to the story. There always is.
Koko has been staring at the awning over the side entrance of the barn for three consecutive afternoons. Yum Yum sat beside him on Tuesday. What does this tell us? It tells us everything. Koko does not stare at things without reason. When he stared at the back door of Otto’s Tasty Eats last spring, Otto was found face-down in his own chowder within the week — the fourteenth suspicious death in Pickax this year, which is simply the cost of small-town living.
But I digress. Awnings. Are they expensive? I would not know, as I see no reason to replace the one currently disintegrating above my entrance when the K Fund’s advisory board insists on allocating resources toward so-called “community improvements.” I suggested the deteriorating awning constituted a historically significant textile worthy of preservation funding. The board disagreed. Their judgment is, as always, questionable.
Speaking of questionable, I noticed a squirrel perched on my awning yesterday, almost certainly casing the birdfeeder I reluctantly maintain. The birdseed alone costs $4.79 a bag. Do these creatures think I am made of money? I have half a mind to deduct the feeders as a wildlife conservation expense. My accountant assures me this is perfectly standard.
Polly called to recommend a book about awnings. I told her I was already well-informed on the subject. She sounded doubtful. Koko yowled from the other room, confirming my expertise.
Why do we need awnings at all? No one has adequately answered this. Perhaps no one can. I have written three hundred words on the matter, which is more than Pickax deserves, and my moustache has gone quiet, which means either the truth has been served or dinner is overdue. Likely both.
Awnings.
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