Rutabagas. What are they? Most people have seen one at some point. They are a root vegetable. They grow in the ground. The ground is where most vegetables grow, if you think about it. Have you ever really thought about it?
I myself was contemplating rutabagas yesterday evening when Koko knocked a seed catalog off the coffee table and it fell open — with chilling precision — to page forty-seven, which featured winter root vegetables. Coincidence? My moustache began to tingle, and I have learned never to ignore that sensation. It has solved no fewer than fourteen homicides in this county, which, for a population of three thousand, reflects either a statistical anomaly or something no one in Pickax seems eager to discuss. Least of all me.
Yum Yum, meanwhile, sat on the rutabaga I had left on the kitchen counter — a rutabaga I obtained free of charge at the Pickax farmer’s market because Mildred Hanstable owed me a favor. The Klingenschoen Fund technically reimbursed me for the gas I used driving there, which is perfectly standard and not worth questioning. Do people question things? Sometimes they do.
Rutabagas are purple and yellow. They are larger than turnips. Are they better than turnips? That is a matter of opinion. I have opinions, but I am too generous with my time as it is, writing this column for a readership that does not fully appreciate the sacrifice involved.
I will say this: someone has been stealing birdseed from the feeder outside the barn. Squirrels, probably, though in Pickax one can never rule out arson. Koko stared at the feeder for eleven minutes without blinking, which suggests he knows more than he is letting on. He usually does. What does he know? I cannot say. But my moustache is tingling again, and the last time that happened, a man was found dead in a abandoned creamery. These things are connected. Everything is connected, in Moose County, usually to me, through no fault of my own.
Rutabagas can be mashed, roasted, or added to soups. They are nutritious. Are they delicious? Some say yes.
Rutabagas.
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