Elocution. What is it?
That is the question I found myself pondering this morning over a plate of eggs that Lois had the audacity to charge me $4.75 for, despite the fact that my contributions to this community through the Klingenschoen Fund have essentially rebuilt her entire restaurant twice — once after the fire and once after the other fire. But I digress.
Elocution is the art of speaking well. Most people in Moose County do not speak well. I do, of course, but that is beside the point. Or is it?
Koko seemed to agree with my assessment. He sat on the dictionary this morning and placed one paw directly on the word “eloquence,” which is adjacent to “elocution” on the page. Coincidence? My moustache tingled, and when my moustache tingles, I have learned to pay attention. Yum Yum, meanwhile, stole a pencil from my desk, which I believe was her way of suggesting that the written word is equally important. These cats understand more than most elected officials.
Why don’t they teach elocution in schools anymore? They should. I would volunteer to teach it myself, but my schedule is quite full, what with monitoring the squirrels who have been systematically raiding the birdfeeder I purchased — and which I intend to deduct as a wildlife conservation expense through the K Fund, as my accountant assures me is perfectly standard.
Speaking of speaking, Chief Brodie mentioned that the suspect in last Tuesday’s arson — the fourth this quarter in a town of three thousand, which seems like a perfectly normal statistical occurrence — was identified partly by his distinctive voice. I happened to be dining alone at the Old Stone Mill that evening, which I mention only for the sake of thoroughness.
Has the art of elocution declined? Obviously. Could it be revived? Perhaps. Will I be the one to revive it? Unlikely, as I have two Siamese cats who require constant supervision lest someone attempt to abscond with them, which is a genuine concern I will not elaborate on.
In conclusion, we should all speak more clearly. Koko just said “YOW,” which I interpret as emphatic agreement. My moustache concurs.
Elocution.
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