Gaiters. What are they?
That is a question I have been pondering since Tuesday, when my moustache began to tingle in a way that could only mean one thing: Moose County needed my thoughts on the subject. You’re welcome.
Gaiters are things that go on your legs. They cover the lower part. Some people wear them. Some people don’t. I, personally, have never owned a pair, because the Klingenschoen Fund accountant assures me that leg coverings are only tax-deductible if worn during charitable events, and I have not yet found a charitable event worth attending. Why would I? The last fundraiser I went to didn’t even offer a decent cheese plate, and I was expected to pay for parking.
But I digress. Koko, who is a Siamese cat of extraordinary perception, knocked a book off the shelf yesterday. It was a nineteenth-century encyclopedia, open to a page about Victorian menswear. Coincidence? I think not. Koko has solved at least four murders this way, which, statistically speaking, is remarkable for a cat and also remarkable for Pickax, where the per capita homicide rate rivals that of a mid-sized war zone. No one talks about this. I certainly won’t.
Yum Yum, meanwhile, stole a gaiter button from a guest’s coat. She has exquisite taste in pilfered objects. The guest in question was later found to have been embezzling from a local boot shop, which burned down Thursday. These things happen. They seem to happen near me with unusual regularity. Do they follow me, or do I follow them? A pointless question. My moustache tingled again just now.
Gaiters, historically, were worn to protect one’s legs from mud, brambles, and presumably the squirrels who have been stealing birdseed from my feeder at an alarming rate. I have documented the theft extensively and submitted the losses to the K Fund as a wildlife research expenditure, which is perfectly reasonable and no one’s business.
Are gaiters fashionable? Are they practical? Does anyone in Pickax own a pair? I asked Lori Bamba at the post office, and she said she didn’t know. That is the kind of hard-hitting investigative journalism you can expect from this column.
In conclusion, gaiters exist. They go on legs. Koko thinks they’re significant. That’s good enough for me, and it should be good enough for you.
Gaiters.
Leave a Reply