Moose County Something

Category: Uncategorized

  • Clickety-Clack Attack!

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in

    Typewriters. What are they? That is a question many residents of Moose County have been asking lately, and as the sole cultural authority within four hundred miles, I feel it is my duty to answer. A typewriter is a machine. It has keys. You press the keys, and words appear on paper. One might ask:…

  • Rocks’ Tiny Offspring

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in

    GRAVEL. What is it? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve an answer. Gravel is small rocks. You find it on driveways. You find it on roads. Sometimes you find it in your shoe. Why is it in your shoe? No one knows. I…

  • Pucker Up, Lips!

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in

    Whistling. What is it? Most people have done it at some point. Some people do it well. Others do not. I myself have been known to whistle on occasion, though I rarely have cause to, burdened as I am with the responsibilities of maintaining a column that this county depends upon for its cultural sustenance.…

  • Lip Fur Frenzy

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    James Qwilleran
    in

    Mustaches. What are they? That is a question I have been asked many times, usually by people who lack the intellectual depth to appreciate facial hair. A mustache is hair that grows above the lip. It has been around for centuries. Many famous men have had mustaches. I myself have one, though mine is in…

  • Talking Real Good

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    James Qwilleran
    in

    Elocution. What is it? That is the question I found myself pondering this morning over a plate of eggs that Lois had the audacity to charge me $4.75 for, despite the fact that my contributions to this community through the Klingenschoen Fund have essentially rebuilt her entire restaurant twice — once after the fire and…

  • The Underground Turnip Imposters You Never Knew Were Lurking In Your Root Cellar

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in ,

    Rutabagas. What are they, really? That is the question I found myself pondering this morning while seated in my favorite chair in the apple barn, watching Koko stare at a rutabaga on the kitchen counter with an intensity that can only be described as philosophical. He stared for eleven minutes. I timed it. Yum Yum,…

  • Sew Many Squares, Sew Little Time

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in ,

    Quilting. What is it, really? Some people say quilting is an art. Other people say quilting is a craft. I say it is both, or possibly neither. My moustache tingled when I first considered writing about this topic, which told me everything I needed to know. That is to say, quilting involves fabric. And needles.…

  • Ugly Turnip Cousins

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in ,

    Rutabagas. What are they, really? That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve my thoughts on the matter. Rutabagas are vegetables. They grow in the ground. They are somewhat round. These are facts. You’re welcome. I was sitting in my barn-turned-apartment the other evening—a modest…

  • Rutabagas: Underrated Root Vegetables

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in ,

    Rutabagas. What are they, really? That is a question I have been pondering all week, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve an answer. Or at least an attempt at one. Rutabagas are vegetables. They grow in the ground. They are somewhat round. These are facts. Koko, it should be noted, knocked a…

  • Dill With It

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    by

    James Qwilleran
    in ,

    Pickles. What are they, really? That is the question I found myself pondering this morning while seated in my favorite chair in the apple barn, enjoying a modest wedge of Gruyère that I procured at no personal expense from a gift basket sent by an admirer. Koko was staring at me from the top of…