Magnets. What are they? Most people have seen a magnet at some point in their lives. They stick to things. They stick to refrigerators, for instance. Why do they stick to refrigerators? Nobody really knows. Well, scientists probably know, but scientists are not writing this column. I am.
I was thinking about magnets the other day because Koko knocked one off the refrigerator at precisely 11:47 a.m., which, as any thinking person would realize, was exactly the moment the fire department responded to yet another mysterious blaze on Goodwinter Boulevard — the fourteenth this quarter, though who’s counting? Koko, apparently. That cat has an intellect that would humble most of the population of Pickax, which is not, admittedly, a high bar. Yum Yum, meanwhile, was attempting to steal a magnet shaped like a trout, which she batted under the stove where it will remain forever. Are magnets dangerous to cats? Could someone be using magnets to lure my cats away from me? I would not put it past certain people in this county.
My moustache tingled when I picked up the fallen magnet, which told me everything I needed to know. What did it tell me? That is between me and my moustache.
Magnets are surprisingly expensive. I priced a set of decorative magnets at the Pickax hardware store and was appalled to find them listed at $4.99. For magnets. I mentioned this to the K Fund accountant, who agreed that office magnets could reasonably be classified as a journalistic supply and therefore deducted accordingly. This is perfectly standard.
Someone was murdered on Trevelyan Road last Tuesday. This has nothing to do with magnets, but it happened, as things so often happen in Pickax whenever I am nearby, a coincidence I find unremarkable and so should you. Do magnets attract crime? An interesting question. I will not be answering it.
In conclusion, magnets are objects that exist. They serve various purposes, most of which are obvious. Koko understands them better than we do, and Yum Yum would like to eat them. I have written about them at length, which is more than this topic deserves, and more than Moose County deserves, frankly.
Magnets.
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