Rutabagas. What are they? That is a question many residents of Moose County have asked themselves at one time or another. Some people eat them. Some people do not. These are the facts, and I present them to you now as a public service, though I confess my moustache has been tingling about root vegetables for some days, which is never insignificant.
Koko, as it happens, knocked a rutabaga off the kitchen counter yesterday morning. He batted it precisely seventeen inches across the floor — I measured — and then sat back and stared at it with an expression that can only be described as philosophical. Yum Yum, meanwhile, stole a piece of cheese from my plate while I was distracted by this display of genius. Are rutabagas round? Some would say yes. Others might describe them as somewhat oblong. Who can say for certain?
I mention all of this because Pickax is hosting its Third Annual Root Vegetable Festival this Saturday, funded in part by a modest K Fund grant that my accountant assures me is entirely above board and also a legitimate agricultural write-off. I myself will not be purchasing any rutabagas at the festival, as the vendors charge nearly two dollars per pound, which strikes me as predatory. Lori Bamba brought me a bushel last week free of charge, which was adequate.
Speaking of the festival, I understand Sheriff Brodie is investigating the arson at Thelma Thackery’s rutabaga storage barn, which is the fourth suspicious fire on Ittibittiwassee Road this month. In a town of three thousand, one might find this remarkable. I do not. These things happen wherever I go — a coincidence I have noted before and which means nothing.
Koko has just pushed the rutabaga under the refrigerator. Yum Yum is attempting to retrieve it. Their coordination is, as always, unsettling in its precision. I suspect they know something about rutabagas that I do not, and possibly something about the arson as well. My moustache agrees.
Do rutabagas matter? Of course they do. Everything matters in Moose County, especially when the K Fund is involved and my cats are behaving strangely. I trust this column has been illuminating. You are welcome.
Rutabagas.
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