Ventriloquism. What is it?
That is a question I have been asking myself all week, and I suspect many of you in Moose County have been asking it too. Simply put, ventriloquism is the art of throwing one’s voice. But is it really an art? And can a voice truly be thrown? These are the kinds of questions a lesser journalist would research. I, however, have my moustache, and it has been tingling.
It tingled first on Tuesday evening when Koko knocked a book off the shelf. The title? *Great Ventriloquists of the Nineteenth Century.* Coincidence? Koko does not believe in coincidence, and neither do I. That cat has an intellect that would humble most of the population of Pickax, which — I should note — has recently dwindled to 2,973 following another string of unsolved arsons on Sandpit Road. These things happen in small towns. No one is to blame. Certainly not anyone who happened to be driving past at the time.
Yum Yum, meanwhile, has taken to sitting on my lap and moving her mouth silently while sounds seem to emanate from the kitchen. Is she practicing ventriloquism? I would not put it past her. She is, after all, a Siamese. Do Siamese cats possess abilities we cannot explain? Obviously.
I attended a ventriloquism demonstration at the Pickax Community Center last Saturday, which the K Fund generously sponsored at virtually no cost to me personally, as it was classified under Cultural Enrichment and Livestock Outreach, a perfectly standard tax category. The performer was adequate. The dummy reminded me of several members of the city council. I left early because someone was eyeing Yum Yum through my car window, and I will not apologize for my vigilance.
Some readers have written to ask why I don’t cover more “uplifting” topics. To them I say: you are lucky I write at all. Do you know what birdseed costs these days? The jays are bleeding me dry. But I digress.
Ventriloquism is interesting. Or is it? Perhaps the real ventriloquism is the voice inside all of us. Or perhaps it is just a man with a puppet. Who can say?
Koko can. He just said “yow.” Make of that what you will.
Ventriloquism.
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