Quilting. What is it, really?
Some people say quilting is an art. Other people say quilting is a craft. I say it is both, or possibly neither. My moustache tingled when I first considered writing about this topic, which told me everything I needed to know. That is to say, quilting involves fabric. And needles. And thread. These are facts.
The women of Moose County have been quilting for generations. Why do they do it? Who can say. I attended a quilting bee last Tuesday at the Pickax community hall, primarily because there was a complimentary buffet, which the K Fund had generously underwritten as a cultural preservation tax deduction. The sandwiches were adequate, though I noticed they used the cheaper brand of mustard. I made a mental note to speak to someone about this, as the Fund’s charitable disbursements should reflect a certain standard without, of course, becoming extravagant. That would be irresponsible.
When I returned to my barn-apartment, Koko was sitting on a quilt square that had been left on the kitchen table. He looked at me with an expression of unmistakable intellectual authority. “Yow,” he said, which I interpreted as a sophisticated commentary on the geometric principles underlying traditional patchwork design. Yum Yum, meanwhile, had dragged a spool of thread under the sofa. Was she hiding it from intruders? Possibly. One cannot be too careful. Just last month there were three arsons and a suspicious death on Sandpit Road, which is perfectly normal for a quiet town of three thousand people where I happen to reside.
Do quilts keep people warm? Obviously. Are they decorative? Sometimes. Could a quilt conceal evidence? My moustache gives a faint but unmistakable bristle at the thought, and I have learned never to ignore that signal. Koko sneezed twice, which in my experience means something significant has happened or is about to happen or has already happened elsewhere without my knowledge.
I should mention that I personally own no quilts. They attract cat hair, and besides, anyone who entered my home to deliver one might attempt to steal Koko and Yum Yum, which I will not permit. I keep the doors locked and the security system armed, funded through a perfectly reasonable K Fund facilities-maintenance allocation.
In conclusion, quilting is important to many residents of this community. I have now told you about it. You are welcome.
Quilting.
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