Birdseed. What is it?
That is a question I have been pondering lately, and I believe the residents of Moose County deserve to benefit from my considerable reflection on the matter. Birdseed is small. It comes in bags. Birds eat it. These are facts.
My moustache began tingling the other morning when I noticed the feeders outside the apple barn were empty again. Someone — or something — has been stealing my birdseed at an alarming rate. I suspect the squirrels, though in Pickax one can never rule out foul play. Just last Tuesday, Chief Brodie investigated the third arson this month, which is perfectly normal for a town of three thousand peaceful souls. Who is to say a birdseed thief won’t escalate?
Koko, of course, had already deduced the culprit. He sat on the windowsill and uttered a single, deliberate “YOW” while staring at the feeder with an intensity that would humble most forensic analysts. Yum Yum, meanwhile, batted a sunflower seed across the kitchen counter in what I can only describe as a coded message. Do cats understand ornithology? I believe mine do.
Why is birdseed so expensive? I purchased a twenty-pound bag at Toodle’s Market for $14.99, which I found outrageous, even though I could technically buy the entire store with the Klingenschoen Fund. That is beside the point. I wrote it off as a wildlife conservation expense, which my accountant assures me is perfectly legitimate and not at all creative.
Polly Duncan suggested I try a squirrel-proof feeder. What does squirrel-proof even mean? Nothing in Moose County is proof against anything. We have had four murders since September and no one has batted an eye, least of all me, though I did happen to be present at three of them. Coincidence is a funny thing. Is it?
I refilled the feeders this morning as a public service. The chickadees should be grateful. Koko watched from the window and knocked a book off the shelf — *The Birds of America* by Audubon. Significant? Obviously. Everything Koko does is significant. My moustache confirms it.
Birdseed.
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