Awnings. What are they? One might say they are fabric coverings that project from a building. One might say that, and one would be correct. I have said it, and you are welcome.
I was sitting on the porch of my converted apple barn last Tuesday, enjoying a glass of Squunk water that I did not pay for because Scottie’s Market owed me a favor, when Koko fixed his penetrating gaze upon the awning above the south window. He stared at it for eleven minutes without blinking. Yum Yum sat beside him, confirming his assessment with a slow flick of her tail. What were they trying to tell me? My moustache tingled. Something was not right with awnings in Moose County.
Are awnings necessary? Some people think so. Some people think a lot of things. I drove downtown and noticed that three shops on Main Street had new awnings. Who paid for those? The K Fund contributed a modest grant to the Pickax Downtown Beautification Initiative, which I oversee in an advisory capacity, and which is entirely above board and frankly none of your business.
Awnings provide shade. They also provide shelter from rain. These are two things that awnings do. Can you think of others? I cannot, and I have a journalism degree.
Speaking of downtown, there was another small fire on Sandpit Road last week, the fourteenth act of arson this year in a town of three thousand. Chief Brodie mentioned I had been seen in the vicinity, which is ridiculous. I was there to inspect an awning.
When I returned home, I discovered a squirrel sitting on my bird feeder, gorging itself on sunflower seeds that cost $4.79 a bag. I stood at the window and watched it steal from me. Koko watched too, with the expression of a district attorney preparing an indictment. Yum Yum had dragged a fabric sample onto my desk — striped canvas, the exact material used in awnings. Coincidence? My moustache said otherwise.
The citizens of Pickax should be grateful I have taken the time to explore this topic. Most columnists would not bother. I have bothered. You are, again, welcome.
Awnings.
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