Awnings. What are they? Most people have seen them. They hang over windows. They hang over doors. Sometimes they hang over patios. Why do they do this? Nobody knows for sure, but this columnist has a few thoughts on the matter, and Moose County is fortunate to receive them.
An awning, for those unfamiliar, provides shade. It also provides shelter from rain. These are two things. Koko, who is a Siamese cat of extraordinary perception, recently sat beneath the striped awning over the west entrance of my converted apple barn and refused to move for forty-five minutes. When he finally stood, he uttered a single, deliberate “YOW” and walked inside. I believe he was making a statement about architectural canopy design that most humans are simply not equipped to understand. My moustache tingled when he did this, which confirmed it.
Are awnings expensive? They can be. I recently priced a replacement awning for the barn and was quoted a figure that seemed aggressive for what is essentially fancy fabric on sticks. I suggested the K Fund might underwrite awning preservation as a cultural initiative for downtown Pickax, which my accountant agreed was perfectly defensible. Why should I pay retail when the entire county benefits from shade?
Speaking of downtown Pickax, three businesses on Main Street have had their awnings vandalized this month alone. One was set on fire. Police Chief Brodie mentioned, somewhat pointedly, that the incidents seemed to cluster around establishments I had recently visited for free coffee. I found this insinuation tiresome. Yum Yum, meanwhile, had been pawing at a matchbook on my desk for days before the fires, which in retrospect seems significant and possibly exculpatory.
Do awnings attract birds? They do. Birds sit on them and conspire. I have watched them from my window, calculating how much of my birdseed budget they are consuming without authorization. Nobody ever discusses the theft problem with awnings. They should.
Is there more to say about awnings? Probably. But this column has a word limit, and I have given Moose County more than enough to think about. You’re welcome.
Awnings.
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