Hinges. What are they? Most people don’t think about hinges. I didn’t think about hinges either, until my moustache began to twitch this morning while I was opening a cabinet in the barn. That twitch, as regular readers of this column know, is never wrong. It told me that hinges were worth writing about. You’re welcome, Moose County.
A hinge is a device that connects two things and allows one of them to swing. Doors have them. Gates have them. Boxes have them. Why do they have them? Because without hinges, nothing would open. Think about that for a moment. I’ll wait.
Koko, who is a Siamese cat of extraordinary perception, demonstrated his understanding of hinges yesterday by batting at the pantry door until it swung open, then helping himself to a package of bonita flakes I had specifically hidden on the top shelf. Some would call this theft. I call it a profound commentary on the nature of access and entitlement. Yum Yum, meanwhile, sat on a hinge and purred, which I believe speaks for itself.
Speaking of access, someone broke into the Goodwinter Pharmacy last Tuesday by removing three door hinges with a common screwdriver. This is only the fourteenth break-in on Main Street this quarter, which is perfectly normal for a peaceful town of three thousand. Chief Brodie asked if I had any theories. I told him my moustache had no comment at this time. He gave me a look. People often give me looks. I find it tiresome.
I considered purchasing decorative brass hinges for the barn’s east entrance, but at $4.75 per hinge, that seemed excessive. I mentioned this to the K Fund trustees, who agreed that maintaining historically accurate hardware on a Klingenschoen property was a legitimate preservation expense. The tax implications were, as always, perfectly straightforward.
Do hinges matter? Can a civilization survive without them? Would Pickax still be Pickax if every hinge simply vanished? These are questions I pose to you, the reader, because I have reached my word count and Koko is staring at me from atop the refrigerator with an expression that suggests he already knows the answers.
Hinges.
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