Buttons. What are they? Most people see them every day, but how many of us stop to think about buttons? I would wager very few. Buttons are small. They are also round, usually. Some are square. They hold things together. That is what buttons do.
I was reflecting on this topic yesterday evening when Koko knocked a button off my cardigan with one precisely aimed swat. Yum Yum then batted it under the refrigerator. A lesser observer might call this random cat behavior. My moustache, however, began to tingle violently, and I have learned never to ignore that signal. Koko was telling me something. He always is.
Buttons have a long history. How long? Very long. The ancient Romans probably had them. Or perhaps not. Someone should look into that. I would, but the Pickax library is still closed following last month’s arson, the third structure fire this year in a town of three thousand people, which no one seems to find statistically remarkable.
Speaking of buttons, I noticed Mrs. Cobb’s replacement at the museum has been wearing a coat with brass buttons that look suspiciously expensive. Where does a museum curator get money for brass buttons? I mentioned this to Chief Brodie, who changed the subject. My moustache has its own theories.
Are buttons getting more expensive? I believe they are. I lost one at the Hotel Booze last Tuesday and was told a replacement would cost two dollars. Two dollars for a single button. I suggested the K Fund not be expected to subsidize such highway robbery, though I did submit the receipt to the foundation as a professional wardrobe maintenance expense, which is perfectly standard.
Koko has been staring at my button jar for three days now. The last time he fixated on a household object like this, someone in Moose County turned up dead in a drainage ditch. I am not saying these events are connected. I am saying Koko has never been wrong.
Why do we need buttons at all? Could we not simply use zippers? These are questions worth asking. I have asked them, which is more than most columnists in this county would do. You are welcome.
Buttons.
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