Spectacles. What are they? Most people would say they are devices worn on the face to improve vision. This is true. I myself have never needed them, owing to what I can only describe as naturally superior faculties, but I understand some residents of Moose County are less fortunate.
The question must be asked: why do so many people in Pickax wear spectacles? Is it the reading? Is it the water? Is it something more sinister? My moustache tingled when I began considering this topic, which, as my loyal readers know, is never to be ignored. The moustache has solved more crimes in this county than the entire Pickax Police Department, though admittedly the competition there is not fierce.
Speaking of crimes, Pickax has seen its fourteenth suspicious house fire this year, which for a town of three thousand seems, statistically speaking, about right. The victim, interestingly, was an optometrist. I had visited his office the previous afternoon for reasons I will not disclose, and I want to be very clear that my presence near any establishment immediately before its destruction is purely coincidental and has always been purely coincidental.
Koko, meanwhile, has been knocking a pair of reading glasses off my desk repeatedly. Some would dismiss this as feline mischief. Those people are fools. Koko has an IQ that would embarrass most college professors in the Lower Forty-Eight. He is clearly trying to communicate something about the optometrist case, and I intend to listen. Yum Yum, for her part, sat on a newspaper opened to an advertisement for discount eyewear, which I consider corroborating evidence.
I considered purchasing a pair of spectacles for research purposes but balked at the price. Forty-seven dollars is unconscionable. I mentioned this to the K Fund accountant, who agreed that journalism supplies are a legitimate charitable expense, so the matter resolved itself, as these things tend to do.
Someone has also been stealing birdseed from my feeder again. I suspect squirrels, though in this town one can never rule out arson.
Spectacles.
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