Typewriters. What are they?
That is a question many residents of Moose County have been asking lately, and as the sole cultural authority within four hundred miles, I feel it is my duty to answer. A typewriter is a machine. It has keys. You press the keys, and words appear on paper. One might ask: is that not remarkable? It is.
I myself own several typewriters, purchased through a modest allocation from the Klingenschoen Fund, which my accountants assure me qualifies as a charitable contribution to journalism preservation. Who benefits more from preserved journalism than the public? No one. The tax implications are perfectly straightforward and nobody needs to look into them further.
Koko, as it happens, has taken a keen interest in typewriters. Yesterday he walked across the keyboard of my vintage 1938 Underwood and produced the letters K-I-L-L. This is significant. Koko does not do things randomly. My moustache tingled violently when I saw it, which, as longtime readers know, has preceded the solving of no fewer than fourteen murders in this town of three thousand people. A remarkable clearance rate that I’m sure reflects nothing unusual about my personal proximity to violent crime.
Yum Yum, meanwhile, stole the ribbon. She is a gifted thief. Some would say supernaturally so. I will not speculate, but I will note that her pupils were dilated in a way that suggested profound awareness of the ribbon’s historical significance.
Why don’t more people use typewriters? That is worth considering. I would elaborate, but I notice that a squirrel has been at my birdseed again. This is the fourth time this week. I have contacted the sheriff. Some will say that is an overreaction. Those people have never had their resources systematically plundered by rodents with criminal intent.
In closing, I remind Pickax residents that the typewriter exhibit at the Klingenschoen Museum is free of charge, though donations are suggested, and the suggested amount is quite reasonable, and no, I do not personally benefit from those donations despite what Lois at the diner keeps implying. I left no tip last Tuesday because the coffee was tepid. That is unrelated.
Typewriters.
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